A father and his son each pull up a chair at the kitchen table. “I’ve always appreciated your wisdom and counsel, so I’m hoping you can help me work through a few things. I’ve been struggling a bit, and I’m looking for some advice and guidance. You’ve always said I can come to you with anything, no matter what, so I’m hoping that is still the case.” “Of course it is, dad,” the son responded, “I’ll always be here for you and will help you in any way I can. Tell me, dad, what’s on your mind?”
That’s not how you expected the conversation the kitchen table to continue, is it? We would assume that in a scenario like that – a father and son sitting down at the kitchen table to talk – the son would be the one seeking advice from the father, not the other way around. Dads are the ones with the knowledge and experience, so it’s natural for a son to look to his father for guidance and direction.
But God wants fathers – and really all of us – to see how important it is that we take our lead from the Son. Jesus had much more than just three years’ worth of guidance for his disciples – there was plenty of instruction and guidance they still needed. He made that clear with his words, “I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear” (v.12).
How well does Jesus know his own! Even as he was preparing his disciples for his departure, he cares enough to continue shepherding his sheep, knowing full well that they – and we – will always be in need of instruction and guidance. No follower of Jesus has or ever will come close to achieving a PhD in discipleship. No believer can possibly achieve expert status in knowing and living according God’s will through God’s Word. There will always be more that he has to say to us. Pray that we are always willing to listen!
Jesus also showed how aware he is of how and when to unfold important spiritual truths in our lives. What was going on in the disciples’ lives that they couldn’t at that moment possibly bear whatever else Jesus had to tell them? Jesus had been starting to prepare them for when he would no longer be with them in person, and had just shared some pretty heavy things with them.
For example, he warned them that the world would hate them because of him (15:19), and that the time was quickly approaching when those who put believers to death would actually think they are serving God (16:2). Jesus knew that was a lot for them to process as they counted the cost of being his disciples. So he deliberately spread out his instruction, spacing it so that he would give them a little bit now, and more later through the outpouring of the Holy Spirit on and after Pentecost.
Notice also two things in these words of Jesus. First, he speaks with authority. When Jesus provides the details regarding his sending of the Spirit, he explains, “[The Holy Spirit] will glorify me because it is from me that he will receive what he will make known to you” (v.14). The Holy Spirit wasn’t going to be a free spirit, revealing and proclaiming whatever he wanted to on a whim; rather, he was being sent specifically to communicate the ongoing truths and teaching of Jesus.
And from where did Jesus receive that authority? From the Father. “All that belongs to the Father is mine” (v.15a). The Father had entrusted all things to the Son for the purpose of carrying out his plan of salvation, and then making that salvation known to the ends of the earth through the work of the Spirit. Jesus had been given that authority from the Father.
Secondly, while Jesus speaks with authority, he doesn’t speak as an authoritarian. Jesus was not a dictator. He was not the power-hungry boss who relishes reminding those beneath him that he’s in charge. No, with these words, Jesus gives a glimpse into the wonders of the Trinity – a three-in-one God dedicated to working in beautiful, perfect harmony for the salvation of all.
God hasn’t revealed himself as the triune God – Father, Son, and Holy Spirit – to confuse or confound us, but to comfort us. There is a certain confidence that comes from realizing that my inability to comprehend this mystery is indicative of a God who is absolutely out of my league in terms of my simple understanding. I will never grasp the mystery of three persons, yet one God. But by faith I find supreme comfort in knowing that this out-of-my-league God is not interested in keeping me confused and in the dark, but rather in enlightening me to the certainty of salvation that he alone has secured for me.
When I preached on these same verses from John 16 years ago, I referred to the three persons of the Trinity as the Giver, the Grunt, and the Guide. The Father, as the Giver, ultimately provides for our every need, including both physical and spiritual needs. It is together in perfect harmony with the Son and Spirit, that he delivers our spiritual needs. Without the Son carrying out the grunt work of our salvation through his perfect life and sacrificial, substitutionary death, there would be no spiritual goods for the Father to give. Finally, without the Guide, the Holy Spirit, who opens our eyes to see and believe the salvation secured for us through the Son, the Son’s work would have been in vain. So we stand in awe of the divine synergy that exists within the Holy Trinity, all for the focused purpose of soul-saving.
Fathers, do you know what that means? It means that what God calls you to do and be in your home and family, he does not call you to do and be by yourself. “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). You have the Triune God at your disposal as you carry out this high calling! God doesn’t leave you hanging in your role as father and spiritual head of your home. Everything he calls you to, he also equips you for. And fathers, the best way you can carry out your role is by taking your lead from the Son.
What does that look like? You can’t take your lead from the Son if you don’t first spend time with the Son yourself.
Dads, let me ask you, how well do you know your children? While answers will vary, can we agree that the solution is the same for any dad who wants to know his children better? What has to happen? You have to spend time with them. There is simply no substitute for spending time together. Sure, mom can often provide a wealth of information about a child’s. A teacher can speak to their learning abilities. A coach can share their successes and struggles.
But that mere passing along of information alone isn’t sufficient to develop a deeper relationship with your child. You have to spend time with them.
So then, if we are going to follow God’s direction, fathers, and bring up our children in the training and instruction of the Lord, then it’s absolutely necessary that we first spend time with the Lord.
Most of us know the hymn, “What a Friend We Have in Jesus.” But maybe we should consider if “What a Familiarity We Have with Jesus” might be a more accurate title. We know who Jesus is. We know what the Bible tells us about him. We know what others have told us about him. But can we honestly say he’s our friend… if we don’t spend time with him? Friendship requires time together, so if we don’t spend time regularly with Jesus, can we really call him our friend?
That actually leads into the most important reason to spend time with him. Because, unlike other friends who will eventually move along to other friendships if you don’t have the time for them, Jesus never will. His friendship is founded on forgiveness. His friendship is grounded in grace. He won’t ever allow your friendship with him to sour on his end, but he’s always waiting for you to deepen it on your end.
Spend time with him. Quit boring others with your lame excuses about not having the time. Prioritize getting to know Jesus more. I always say that if it matters to us, we’ll find a way; if it doesn’t, we’ll find an excuse. Don’t complicate it. Jesus invites us to know him personally as we follow his words and wonders recorded in the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Befriend him through his Word.
When that happens, you change. He changes you. Jesus changes you – for the better. And then you’ve got something to share with your children.
Without friendship with Jesus, what training and instruction would you be qualified to pass along as a father? We’re not just talking teaching your kid who to change the oil or hammer a nail – we’re talking about the divine truths and treasures that will serve them far more effectively both for this life and for eternal life. The training and instruction you’re then able to give them involves introducing them to your best friend, Jesus, and starting to encourage them to build their own friendship with him.
But one more thing has to happen. Just as you prioritize time with the Son, so you also have to prioritize time with your children. We’re all busy, and often it is with work, working as hard as we do to provide for our family. Yet how many children have ever looked back on their childhood and said they wished their dad had worked more? None.
What if I told you that you don’t need more hours in the day? Chances are, you’re already coaching them, shuttling them to practice, or watching their games. You already take them outdoors and on fishing trips. You watch their dance recitals. Take those moments you already have together and use them to bring Jesus into the conversation. For starters, don’t worry about adding additional planned spiritual interactions into an already packed calendar; rather, utilize the time you already spend together to serve as openings for talking about Jesus.
Also, bring them to church. Especially you, dads. The statistics are overwhelmingly obvious that your presence in church has a far greater impact and influence on your children’s spiritual formation than if they come by themselves or even with just mom. Spend time with your children in your Friend’s house every Sunday. Don’t settle for anything else. In a society that has embraced and even encourages lowering the bar across all areas of life, refuse to do so in this area. Set the bar high. Make worship together a non-negotiable every week. That’s where your best Friend is every Sunday.
And that best Friend, the Savior Jesus, promises that together with the Father and the Holy Spirit, he will equip fathers with everything they need to bring up their children in the training and instruction of the Lord. Fathers, keep looking to the Son to be the father you want to be, and the father God calls you to be.