What’s your view of sex? How does hearing that word make you feel? What does it make you think of? Does a conversation about this topic fill you with dread, cause you to start to sweat, make you squirm as if you wish you could slip out of your own skin right now and escape? Do you feel a little bit of disgust or even offense that such a “taboo” topic would be discussed in a sermon or in church at all?
What’s your view of sex? Do you view it like a beautifully wrapped present (example)? The corners are perfectly folded, edges are straight and sharply lined up. The ribbon or bow matches marvelously. The tape is expertly applied, with the precision of a surgeon. The whole thing looks so beautiful.
Or, do you view it like this wretchedly wrapped gift (example)? Does it appear quite unappealing? The wrapping job itself looks like it was done by someone with ten thumbs and eyes closed? Parts of the paper are torn. There are unsightly stains on it. It looks like it has been mishandled and neglected and not treated with much care at all. The whole thing looks rather revolting.
Which one better represents the view you have of God’s gift of sex? Which one better represents the view God wants you to have of this gift? Without a show of hands, I suspect that an awful lot of us view it like the second gift, and sadly, it’s because we have experienced or maybe even continue to experience a number of tragic reasons why. Sexual abuse. Addiction. Resentment. Neglect. Guilt. Of course, God never intended any of those to be associated with this gift! But, as perhaps some of the most condemning evidence that we do live in a fallen world that has been demolished by disobedience, most, if not all of us, have at one time or another experienced blight instead of blessing when it comes to this gift.
Understand that these are the realities we’re dealing with that make this particular topic such a challenge. Firstly, it is the degree of hurt – whether we have been on the receiving end of it or if we have been the cause of it – that makes it so difficult to discuss. So we avoid talking about it with anyone else. We dismiss conversations with others about it because we deem it inappropriate. The result is that, when it comes to sex, the world is hollering while Christians remain hush, hush, and God’s gift is hijacked and ruined.
Secondly, the weighty burden of guilt when it comes to sex can be one of the heaviest we bear. Again, whether we have been on the receiving end or the cause of it, sexual guilt can be relentless. So we need constantly to be reminded that sexual sins – like all others – have been washed away 100% by Jesus’ blood. Paul stated it so strongly on the heels of a very firm warning. “Do not be deceived: the sexually immoral… will [not] inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God” (1 Corinthians 6:9-11). Forgiveness in that section hits us like a bucket of cold water on a scorching day. On the heels of the condemnation sexual sin (along with a whole list of other sins) brings, Paul reminds us that because of Jesus Christ, no such sin – no sin – prohibits us from being at peace with God. Whatever we were, whether victim or culprit, no sexual sin defines us or disqualifies us from heaven. Whatever you were is not who you are. Rather, having been washed, sanctified, and justified, what you are is this: forgiven forever.
That good news of the gospel and the free and full forgiveness that is ours through it is why we as Christians can talk about this topic. No experience we have ever had or could have will change our status in God’s family. As members of his family, we can be real and honest about the challenges and frustrations that might exist when considering our relationship with God’s gift of sex even in a fallen world.
Ironically, as vocal as the world is about sex, it gets it all wrong. That’s because rather than being interested in the forgiveness God longs to flood us with, it is more concerned with acceptance. When that happens, the abuse of this gift isn’t regretted, but celebrated, even emphasized as our identity. Remember when we used to recognize celebrities for their movies or musicians for their music? Now we celebrate the latest sexual orientation that is revealed. Those are the headlines that get hits. This celebrity was so brave to come out and reveal one type of sexuality; that musician another. It’s become so frequent, so normal, that soon enough I suspect that it’s going to be a radical thing for a celebrity to come out as heterosexual. Here’s something about which the world doesn’t care, but we do: when we allow sex to become the source of our identity, we disgrace both the gift itself as well as the Giver. The thing is, we do the same – disgrace both the gift and the God who gives it – when in our misuse of it, we allow it to serve as an escape.
Perhaps what it is about the familiar account of David and Bathsheba which makes that most strikingly clear are the last words at the close of our verses today. “But the thing David had done displeased the Lord” (2 Sam. 11:27). Let me ask you, do those words do little more for you than serve as a closing transition from the end of one account in Scripture to the beginning of the next? Do they serve as a closing statement for this section, or do they do more? Does it make your heart sink, almost as if your heart literally dropped from your chest to your stomach? Does it weigh heavily on you that someone whom God had raised up through the ranks from runt-of-the-litter shepherd boy to God’s chosen King would let down and displease the same God who had graciously placed him in that role?
Let’s shift from Saul’s successor to self and ask it another way: does it trouble us at all to think that what we do displeases the Lord? Does it crush our spirits? Does it at least prick our conscience? Does displeasing the Lord even register as a blip on our spiritual radar? How frequently do you find yourself judging not others, but yourself, on the basis of whether or not your words and actions displease the Lord? It’s rather easy for us to observe others or to sit in judgment of others when we know what they’re doing is displeasing the Lord, but do we apply the same standard to ourselves? Do we frequently – daily? – find ourselves generally guided by a genuine desire to do what pleases the Lord? And, if that desire is there, is it fear-based or faith-based? Do we want to do the right thing only because of a moral sense of right and wrong that knows better, or do we want to do the right thing and please the Lord because our love for and devotion to him drives that desire?
Here’s another way to think about it: if displeasing the Lord doesn’t at all trouble us, then that should be troubling. If we don’t even think about or care that our sinful misuse of his gift of sex displeases God, then we stand on dangerous ground. We are in a place that runs the risk of forfeiting the grace in which we stand and exchanging it for a license to treat sex not as the gift God intended, but as a right to be used as we insist. Used in that way, what was intended as a gift ends up ushering in guilt.
Suppose someone gives a gun as a gift to an avid hunter or a gun collector. That gun can certainly be utilized while hunting. It can be enjoyed at the shooting range. It can be a very thoughtful gift. But how do you suppose the giver of that gift would feel if that gun ended up being used in a school shooting or a murder? Absolutely dreadful. That wasn’t the intent behind the gift. It wasn’t supposed to be used for anything sinister or painful; it was intended to bring happiness and joy, to be the source of smiles, not sadness.
Can you imagine God feeling that way to see his precious gift, intended to bring happiness and joy to husbands and wives, being instead the source of so much pain and sorrow and hurt? When we treat this gift as an escape, that is inevitably what will happen. Damage instead of delight. Enslavement instead of enjoyment. Service to self instead of service to spouse. And the Giver of the gift is left reeling by how many different ways sin can stain his good and perfect gift. Sadly, there are countless ways to have an unhealthy relationship with the gift of sex when it ends up being treated as an escape (rape/abuse/pornography/homosexuality/pedophilia/sex trafficking/prostitution/etc.), that’s a whole lot of sin that’s possible! And each and every case ought to either convict us or concern us. When we see any of this in the world, we ought to be deeply concerned that such sin makes a mockery of one of God’s precious gifts. When we see any of this in our own lives, we ought to be deeply convicted that we’re contributing to the problem by both sinning against God and further destroying his reputation in this world. When we see this in our lives, then we must apply the same words to ourselves that the Bible did to David: “the thing we have done displeased the Lord.”
Let us go back then – not to David, but to David’s Son, Jesus Christ. While the thing David had done displeased the Lord, David’s Son achieved what David could not. God the Father verbalized it both at Jesus’ baptism and again at his Transfiguration. On each occasion, the Father said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased” (Mt. 3:17; 17:5). Jesus Christ accomplished what David could not: he perfectly pleased the Father – which he did not for himself, but for us. For you and for me. See how Jesus changes everything in regard to our relationship with God’s gift of sex! He lived to please the purity expected by God, and he died to pay the price for all of our acts that displeased God. We are covered. We are clean. We are free to see and embrace the positives of this wonderful gift from God – to enjoy the pleasure and deep connection it brings within marriage and to appreciate the blessing of children it provides.
That same freedom allows us to evaluate our view of this gift on a recurring basis. We do that by continuing to ask ourselves the same four questions regarding our relationship with sex. #1 – Can I go without it? #2 – Is this a topic I can discuss with a fellow Christian? #3 – Am I avoiding a long-term solution in favor of short-term satisfaction? #4 – Am I looking to creation for something that can only be provided by the Creator? Being willing to ask ourselves these four questions, coupled with the freedom we have in Christ, will help ensure that this wonderful blessing from God is not an empty escape by which we’re enslaved, but a treasured gift to be enjoyed.