Your doctor’s office. The boss’s office. Your child’s classroom with the teacher. We don’t typically look forward to being called into any of these places, and with good reason: difficult conversations often follow. Getting called for a consult with your doctor after a recent appointment can mean he has bad news. The boss probably isn’t calling you in to praise or commend you, but to correct or discipline you. Your child’s teacher is not likely in just meeting with you to tell you what a great job junior is doing, but probably to share some concerns. Those can be hard conversations.
Like it or not (most often not!), there is also a place for hard conversations within the church. In fact, that is the kind of church that God wants – one that is willing to say hard things. What exactly does that mean and how do we carry it out?
First of all, realize the reason the church will always need to say hard things, which is sometimes forgotten: every church has in common that it is made up of sinners. That seems like it should go without saying, but sometimes we either get the idea or give others the impression that belonging to a church means we’ve somehow figured out the secret sauce to sinlessness. All the “mostly-good” people gather at church while the “not-so-good” folks out there sin rather nonchalantly as they go about their daily business.
“Sure, we might commit a few minor whoopsies on occasion, but nothing like those major whoppers everyone out there is committing left and right.” But, deny it as much as you will, the hard truth is that the ugly sinful nature that is still a part of each one of us is just as capable of carrying out the ugly sinful stuff we see in the world. So what sets us apart is not primarily the absence of sin in our lives, but the presence of the Savior who forgives it. That is why we gather as the church.
And it is that Savior and his gospel – the good news of what he’s done for sinners – that both requires us and inspires us to say hard things. When we are discussing hard matters with fellow Christians, we do so in a safe space, because we do so in a space saturated with the gospel. When the gospel as a safety-net beneath us, we have no reason to fear having difficult or even uncomfortable conversations. We have every right to assume that our faith family cares enough about our souls to prioritize those conversations. And we can both speak and hear these hard things because we know that they are gospel-driven and gospel-guided in an effort to be gospel-guarding. That means we can check individual agendas or bones to pick at the door and stay focused on how we can apply the gospel to help God’s church thrive.
So what exactly are the kinds of hard things that the church needs to say? We see an example in Galatians. Paul was compelled to say a hard thing, and he didn’t shy away from explaining why it had to happen: “they were not acting in line with the truth of the gospel” (v.14).
The very gospel was at stake! The message on which the church stands or falls was being compromised. When Paul saw that the gospel was in jeopardy, there was no question – he knew he had to speak up and say a hard thing.
While that reason alone (the gospel coming under attack) is sufficient for speaking up, Paul went a step further to explain what the collateral damage is when the truth of the gospel is at stake: souls are at stake, too.
As much as Paul and Peter (Cephas) were both pillars of the early church, Paul showed his personal care for his brother’s soul. “When Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned” (v.11). Paul wasn’t mincing words – if he didn’t address the situation, Peter’s actions could very well have led to his spiritual downfall.
Do we forget that sin has the potential for doing so much more damage than just a little wrong here or there? We need to think of sin not like that little bit of a beverage that spilled on the counter top and can so easily be wiped up, but more like a semi tanker toppling over and spilling toxic liquid everywhere. Sin doesn’t wish to be contained. It wants to expand its reach until it contaminates everything around it, eventually rendering even faith itself ineffective. Paul had to speak the hard truth to Peter, because he was more concerned about Peter’s salvation than about Peter’s reputation.
As an example of sin extending its reach to others, Paul recognized how Peter’s sinful actions were influencing those around him. “The other Jews joined him in his hypocrisy, so that by their hypocrisy even Barnabas was led astray” (v13). Others viewed Peter’s actions as thumbs up to follow his example, and their collective example then carried enough weight to cause even Barnabas to stumble. See how large the radius of sin’s reach was becoming! Paul had to speak the hard truth to Peter, because he was concerned about the impact his actions were having on the salvation of others.
How do Paul’s actions relate to us in 2023? Does the church today still need to say hard things? Absolutely. When? What does that look like? As the gospel itself compels us to say hard things, how do we know when those hard conversations need to happen? While there’s no guarantee that saying the hard things will ever be easy, there are a number of things we can consider to guide us in this process.
First of all, we want to make sure the situation legitimately calls for the hard truth to be spoken. Not every difference or disagreement merits this kind of attention. If we are in the realm of Christian freedom and personal preference, while there certainly may be some discussion around those matters, those aren’t usually the kind that call for a rebuke or a call to repentance. Whether we should have tri-tip or hotdogs for the barbecue does not merit any sort of confrontation. Attending Christmas Eve or Christmas Day worship does not require a rebuke.
So what sort of criteria does? We look for anyone or anything that might either gloss over the gospel or cast aside the cross by insisting that someone or something else be the central focus. When the gospel is at stake, the church has an obligation to say hard things, because where the gospel is compromised, so is the church. Where the gospel is lost, so is the church.
Once we are certain of the gravity of the matter, that it is in fact that serious and does require the tough conversation, we do well do run another quick assessment. We want to check our own heart. We might have correctly spotted the need to say a hard word, but we also better make sure that our heart is in the right place to initiae the conversation.
That means it isn’t looking to relish the opportunity to lay into someone else who rubs me the wrong way. That means my heart isn’t approaching this conversation as a means to bump itself up another notch closer to heaven and come away looking more favorable. That means my heart isn’t seizing this as merely a distraction from some personal repair work that needs to be done on me. If any of those things are going on in your own heart, then you’re not the right person to be saying the hard thing.
Another thing to consider: if speaking about spiritual/faith matters and matters of the heart is not normal for you, consider how it might come across to someone else who is not use to hearing you speak about such things. It could possibly cause unecessary confusion if you appear to be bringing it up seemingly out of nowhere.
The wife who has never watched a down of the NFL in her life might leave her husband feeling a little skeptical when she starts making suggestions for his fantasy football draft. A husband who doesn’t realize that Versace isn’t the name of a new Italian restaurant in town is probably going to see a puzzled look from his wife when he starts discussing fashion trends.
So if spiritual matters are not a regular part of your conversation, it might unnecessarily catch someone off guard to hear you speak up with a hard saying. The solution to that is not just to write off ever discussing hard things, but rather to take some baby steps in the direction of making your faith in Jesus perhaps a more natural part of your conversations.
Finally, Paul spells out in a lengthier description why it matters that we contend for the gospel. “[We] know that a person is not justified by the works of the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ. So we, too, have put our faith in Christ Jesus that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the law, because by the works of the law no one will be justified” (v.16). Peter was confusing the good news of the gospel. He was combining a message that is believed for salvation with works that must also be achieved for salvation. To that message of being declared not guilty (“justified”), Peter was adding the need to make sure he stuck with the kosher diet and sat at the right table apart from the Gentiles.
Since he had known previously that his place in heaven had nothing to do with what he ate or where he sat here on earth, it was causing a stumbling block for those around him to suddenly see him revert back to his old Jewish customs.
When a brother or sister in Christ confuses the gospel in any way at all to imply that any work or effort must accompany the saving work of Jesus’ perfect life, suffering, and death, we have to speak up. We have to have a hard conversation. Their soul depends on it. Other souls will likely also depend on it. The gospel must win, and that means guarding it at all cost.
That’s the church God wants. For that reason, it’s also the church we want to be.