You would likely find plenty of hits from an internet search that would provide list upon list of traits and skills that successful people have in common. One of those skills right near the top would have to be the ability to listen. Without listening, we’re limited. It’s really that simple. We’re limited by what we can learn. We’re limited by how much we might grow. We’re limited by how we might best help and serve others. A know-it-all fails to listen to others, so he can’t learn anything more. An egotistical person cares about himself, so he doesn’t listen for what needs others might have. Without listening, we’re limited.
The world has plenty of talkers, but not many listeners, so it’s easy to stand out. And, those talkers want to be heard. We learn that at a pretty young age, as demonstrated in this video. You might have already seen this viral video some time ago. It strikes a balance between being quite humorous while also providing a striking reality check. This little child demonstrates the popular view of our society today: “I have something important to say, and you need to listen to it.” “What I have to say is more important than what you have to say, so listen to me and then we can get along.”
Now we could get miffed by that. We could get irritated – just like everyone else does. Recall how painful it was to watch the debates between two presidential candidates who could not stand there and listen without trying to talk over the other. They weren’t interested in listening, but in talking. We have more than enough outlets today for people to talk, but who is listening?
That’s where we come in. There is a reason this series is entitled Simple Evangelism. Because being an exceptional evangelist is much simpler than we have framed it in our minds, and it starts with listening. Do you want to be an exceptional evangelist? Start by becoming an exceptional listener.
I know what you’re thinking to yourself: “But listening is really hard and I don’t know if I can do it.” I understand, and that’s why right this very moment, I’m going to share with you a training exercise that will help you vastly improve your listening skills. It involves two steps, and they’re a little bit complicated, so try to stay with me. Are you with me? OK, here’s the first step: you all have one of these (mouth), right? Now I want you to try to press your lips together so that this stays closed. It doesn’t have to be hard; you can press them together gently and that will do the trick. See – you did it! That’s the first step. The second uses an entirely different part of your body. For the second step, we’re going to use our ears. Now you don’t physically need to do anything, but you do have to pay attention to the sounds that these (ears) pick up. When someone is speaking words to you, these will allow you to hear those words and when this (mouth) isn’t moving, it allows your brain to process the words that these (ears) hear. That’s it! Work on perfecting those two easy steps, and you’re on your way to becoming an exceptional listener and exceptional evangelist. It’s so simple, isn’t it?
Now you’re ready for some additional practical tips on listening. You just have to use your EAR (Engage, Ask, Restate).
Did you catch how the conversation in today’s Gospel (John 4:1-26) began? Jesus initiated it. He engaged with the woman at the well with a simple request: “Will you give me a drink?” (Jn. 4:7). Quick question for you: did Jesus really need that woman to get him a drink of water? Do you know Jesus – God in the flesh! – well enough to know that he just maybe could have managed to somehow quench his thirst on his own? Jesus did not care about the water; he cared about the woman and her soul. So he engaged her to start a conversation, listen to her, and then provide her what she needed more than anything else: him.
As much as everyone wants to be heard, socially, in-person, fewer and fewer people are comfortable starting a conversation with others. Our screens have become our security blankets to avoid interaction with real people (if we’re even brave enough to leave the safety and security of our own homes). But don’t be fooled – those same people still want to be heard. So we need to engage.
One of the top reasons Christians provide for not being better evangelists is that they don’t know anyone or have friends with those outside the church. Well… what’s going to change that? Are you waiting for others to come and befriend you – the same ones hiding behind their screens or hunkering down in their homes avoiding people? Not likely. We need to engage. We need to strike up conversations. Comment on what someone is wearing or how cute their kid is or give them a compliment – do whatever it takes to engage others. That’s how we get the ball rolling.
How do you keep it rolling? Ask questions. Once you have begun speaking with someone, keep it alive with questions. Focus on being interested, not interesting. You want to learn more about the other person and you do that by asking good questions that keep the conversation going. Then, when they respond to your questions, remember those two key steps we talked about when it comes to being a good listener: close these (lips) and open these (ears). This is the part where you listen to what the other person says after you ask a question. If we are not intentional about doing this, we’ll honestly miss what they said because we’re busy thinking of what to ask next! But if you’re actually listening, the other person will provide more than enough information for you to pose another question.
That’s where the “R” from EAR comes in: restate. Speak back to her what you just heard her say. I’m not saying you awkwardly repeat it verbatim, like a child annoyingly copycatting her sibling. No, you simply restate in your own words what you heard the other person say. Doing so demonstrates to the other person that you’re listening, it helps you to retain it, and it buys you some time to come up with a follow-up question. Use your EAR to listen – Engage, Ask, and Restate – and suddenly you will be connecting with others regularly.
You’ve got all the practical tips you need, right? Honestly, have you learned anything new from reading this? Aside from a neat acronym, you already knew everything you’ve read. But you already know lots, don’t you? You know you should save money and you know how to. You know you should eat right and you know how to. You know you should exercise and you know how to. You know plenty. But what does it take to give our “know” some “get up and go”? How do we put our knowledge into practice? We know how to listen, but what’s it going to take to get us to do it, to practice it?
Here’s how: you listen. That’s right – if you want to become a better listener to others with the goal of becoming an exceptional evangelist, you need to become a better listener – to the Lord. The more you listen to him, the more he’ll work a change in your heart to long to listen to others. Were you listening to what James reminded you about the Lord? “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created” (v.17-18). You listening? “Every good and perfect gift” is from him. You listening? He “chose” you. You listening? He gave you “birth through the word of truth.” You listening? Do you know what that means?
James – the guy who spends most of his letter focusing on how we’re supposed to live as Christians and emphasizing the importance of good works – that James, is assuring you that all that you have and everything that you are is because God already chose you. He picked you. He selected you to be his, to be saved, to be forgiven, to be lavished by his grace. No conditions. Nothing is needed from you to make it certain. No contract to agree to. Nothing from you; everything from him because he chose you.
Does that not stir your soul? Are you indifferent to that? Then perhaps that’s the real reason behind your struggle to apply the very next words of James: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires” (v.19-20). Are you always the one talking? Do you always have something to say, some opinion to express, something you insist on being right about? Do you get angry when it appears that others aren’t listening to you? Does it frustrate you that they don’t share your same passion or opinion over this matter or that? Welcome to everyone else in the world!
And when we act like everyone else, frankly, we deserve what everyone else in the world without Jesus has coming: an eternity without him. Being cut off from him. Letting our anger swell into sin not only fails to display the righteousness Christ has credited to us by faith; but it also potentially robs the now-turned-off individual on the receiving end of our anger of the righteousness Jesus longs to grant to them by faith, too. So we harm ourselves and we hurt others when our listening is replaced by raging anger. We put ourselves and others at great spiritual risk by doing so.
But listen again to what James says: “He chose to give us birth through the word of truth” (v.18). Birth – not death. Birth means life. It means being alive. It means existing. It is a thing to be celebrated. And that birth came through the Word. The Word gives life. The Word sustains our souls, just as surely as your next meal sustains your body. The Word by which we were birthed into faith is the same Word that sustains that faith and the same Word that fans that faith into a flame that burns passionately for lost souls. Faith, fueled by the Word of forgiveness for our missed opportunities – whether by lack of listening, angry outbursts, or sealed lips – faith frees us to focus on the souls of others because faith knows our own souls are secure in Christ through the Word of truth.
So listen – both to the Lord and to your neighbor. Listen to the Lord declare to you again and how deeply he loves you. Then, listen to your neighbor. Just listen. Take that first step and open the door so that after listening, you know what your neighbor needs to hear. I want us to get really good at listening, so that we really start to see how simple evangelism is, and so that Christ’s Kingdom grows because of it, as others are brought in to listen to the life-giving words of their Savior – the same Savior we love to listen to.