Real Love

(1 John 4:7-11, 19-21)

Who is it for you? An organization or a cause? A political candidate or political party? When you know the topic is love, you already know there isn’t going to be some profound revelation or new discovery regarding what the Bible has to say about love. It’s simple. Love God. Love others. Why? Because God loves you. There’s no way around it, and that will be the same message about love that you will hear from the Bible as long as you keep on reading it, listening to it, and studying it.

But it would be quite naive of us to think that just because we know what the Bible tells us about loving others that we would somehow arrive at a point when we wouldn’t need to hear it again. By that line of reasoning, a parent should only have to tell a child to go to bed at bedtime once and it should never be an issue again, right? At most, none of us should ever get more than one speeding ticket, if that, because once the officer informs us that we’re breaking the law when we exceed the speed limit, it shouldn’t happen again once we have that information. If doing what we’re supposed to do was merely a matter of information, then life would be a piece of cake!

Ah, if only it were that simple. But loving others isn’t merely a matter of transferring information; it’s a matter of transformation. If we are to carry out the kind of love God calls us to, a pretty monumental change has to take place. Where? In us.

We actually do know how to love. That isn’t the problem. We’re actually really good at it naturally. The problem just happens to be where our love is directed. I love me. And you love you. And everything in our own little personal bubbles essentially revolves around that. So if I am instead going to redirect that love toward others, as God would have me do, well, that’s unnatural. So something has to change. Something supernatural.

That’s really the message we need to keep hearing, and John repeats it for us. “God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another” (v.8-11). It isn’t likely new news to anyone reading this that God is love. We’ve all heard it before. We’ve seen it on wall art or displayed on the back of the car in front of us or any number or places. But for those three words to hit home, we have to personally apply them. That God who is love doesn’t just love everyone; he loves me.

Me who knows what it’s like to feel unappreciated and unloved… by my own parents. Or my children. By my supposedly close friend. By my own family. By my coworkers or classmates. By my teacher. By my coach. By my spouse. By my boss. We all have our own list, which may change for us in different seasons of life, but we all know too well, whether it’s reality or our perception, what it’s like to feel unloved. 

And these words from John remind us that that feeling is never actually reliable, because the “God-is-love” God is the God who loves me. And you. And always will.

What makes this love difficult for us to embrace and accept is that deep down inside, we know how undeserving we are of it. We have a pretty good of how many daily reasons we give for God not to love us – through our thoughts, works, and actions. Verse twenty hits just one of them, and there are so many more. John warned, “Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen” (v.20). I might think “hate” to be too strong a word to describe me, but John expands it to include any failure of loving our brother or sister, or anyone for that matter. As if that wasn’t bad enough, it makes us out to be liars to claim to love God while loathing someone else. 

And you’ll notice there are no disclaimers or allowances or exceptions. God doesn’t say we’re off the hook if it’s someone who is really hard to love. Or someone who posted something nasty online about you or someone you care about. Or someone who stole from you. Or even if it’s someone who has really hurt us or traumatized us or messed with our heads and hearts.

There are no love loopholes. We are called to embody Jesus’ perfect love to all people. And we don’t. And our guilty consciences tell us what we deserve when we don’t. 

The awareness of this guilt is evident to me as a pastor. One of the most common fears people share with me is wondering where they really stand before God because of a person or relationship they can’t bring themselves to love. Or, they agonize over how much of a struggle it is. So yes, our own consciences convict us of not loving others perfectly or completely.

And if we have somehow managed to fleece or foil our own conscience into thinking that we have no problem loving others, God’s Word makes clear what the consequence is for anything less than 100% complete and total love for others. Just one chapter earlier in this very letter John wrote, “Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him” (1 John 3:15). There’s no way around it – we know what even our lukewarm love deserves!

Yet… still God loves us!

How can we know? That’s the part of John’s description we must never tire of hearing. “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins” (v.10). God’s Son was not sent into this world only for those who love well, not for those whose love has never faltered, and not even for those who are pretty convinced their love for God meets his expectations. If those were the type of people God had sent his Son into the world for, he would have come up empty-handed. No such person has ever existed. No, Jesus came into this world to render the payment necessary for the pervasive lack of love. 

Jesus offered up himself as the atoning sacrifice for our sins, including but not limited to our lack of love. Jesus has restored our relationship with God that had been totaled by our sin and he has shown us what sacrificial love in action looks like. His love for others – for you and me and all people – was not deterred by selfishness or self-love. He loved – and loves – perfectly.

He loved you by never faltering in the face of temptation. He loved you by loving his enemies perfectly in your place. He loved you not just with words and speech about loving his neighbors, but by showing them in so often meeting their physical needs and healing their hurts. He loved you all the way to the cross and out of the empty tomb. The Resurrection reality is that in Jesus Christ we not only see what real love looks like; we also see that real love is ours. That real love is for us. 

So, we can now love others, too.

Why does it matter so much that we pour ourselves into loving others? So that others may come to know the source of that love. “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God” (v.7).

Yes, God is love. You know that. I know that. Others may have heard the phrase, but they don’t know what we’ve just been talking about. They don’t know that kind of radical love. In his Gospel and all of his letters in the Bible, John more than any other writer stresses how important it is for us as Christians to love – so that the source of love can be made known. So that others, through our love, would come to know the One from whom it all emanates: God their Savior. 

Without knowing that kind of love, the world’s understanding and definition of love is really quite pitiful.  Somebody suggests a fun activity together and we’d love to. We love this place or that place to eat. We’re in love with this store or that style. We love your outfit. We love it when that happens. We love that book/movie/song/etc. We love so many things so much that we’ve diluted love altogether to essentially strip it of any real meaning. 

So let’s show a better love. A real love. Let’s love the erratic driver with a prayer for him. Let’s love the protestor who cares enough about a cause to do something instead of just spewing snarky words from behind a screen or behind closed doors. Let’s love the walker or hiker with the never-ending stories by taking the time just to listen to them on occasion. Let’s love the neighbor whose language and customs and culture are so different from ours. Let’s, even after a drama-filled, mentally and emotionally exhausting day ourselves, love our children with the gift of time together. Let’s love our spouse with more yeses and fewer excuses. Let’s love our coworker by letting them receive the praise for the project. Let’s love the addict by trying to better understand what his world is like. Let’s love by offering the ride even when it is utterly inconvenient. Let’s love by opening our home more often for meals with others. 

When we love in these ways and so many others, we take the world’s diluted love and saturate it, making it something special. When we love in these ways we demonstrate another kind of love that only finds its source in Jesus. And our prayer – and God’s intent – is that through our love others would eventually be channeled to the source of that excellent love that we find only in Christ. 

Then, like dominoes, Christ’s love begins to flow through their lives as well. Secured with the gifts of peace, joy, forgiveness, and the assurance of eternal life, they are free to love others, too. And the cycle continues, always seeing love draw others to Christ like a magnet, to show them a radical love that lasts into eternity. Not like the best kind of love the world could ever offer, but far better: real love. 

PRAYERS FOR GUYS

To See the Opportunities to Love Others

Loving Lord,
As I seek to carry out your call to love my neighbor, I don’t always know what that looks like. Open my eyes to see all of the opportunities that surround me. 

Often I don’t have to look very far at all, as those opportunities abound right under my own roof. Other times those opportunities reveal themselves through the needs of my neighbor. When their needs require me to make sacrifices, may your love prompt me to follow your example of sacrifice and serve them in love however I’m able. 

In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen. 

PRAYERS FOR GUYS

For Help with Love

Gracious Lord,
As men it is easy to avoid talking about love, as we have a tendency to downplay things like feelings and emotions as not being very masculine. Yet Jesus himself was emotional! Jesus also calls us to love – both God and our neighbor. And, it is Jesus who first loved us, which then fuels us to love others. Help me to overcome any discomfort I may have around the topic of love, to embrace your call to love, and to daily put it into practice. 

In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen. 

PRAYERS FOR GUYS

For the Blessing of Work

Dear Lord,
For many, Monday marks the beginning of the work week. It can be challenging to shift back into gear for work after being off for the weekend. Instead of dreading Mondays, lead us to be grateful for them as reminders of the blessing of employment. Use us in our workplace to let our light shine and to be of service to others. Fill us with determination to give our best, remembering that we are ultimately serving you through our work.

Others are without work or facing the uncertainty of being let go or cut back. Assure them of your ongoing promise to provide for their needs. Open doors of possibility either for them to maintain their current employment or find it elsewhere. Help all of us this week to see work as your gift to us, and our faithful labor as our thank you to you. 

In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen. 

PRAYERS FOR GUYS

To Hallow Your Name

Almighty Father,
Sundays are sacred. On this day of the week, believers all over the world gather together around your Word so that you may feed their faith and strengthen their spirits. 

Yet the daily battle against my sinful nature so often seems to intensify on this day! My flesh wishes me to forsake worship and succumb instead to one of so many other enticing options. 

Give me the resolve to commit to the one thing that matters, that I might be forgiven and refreshed for the week ahead. Help me to hallow your name by hearing your Word along with your people in your house on this day. 

In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen. 

PRAYERS FOR GUYS

To Pray More

Every-present Father,
You have wonderfully created us with an innate desire to provide solutions and fix problems when we encounter them. What a blessing this can be at times! However, it can also leave us reluctant to ask for help, not only from others, but also from you.

You invite us to call on you in the day of trouble and promise to answer us. Lead me to take advantage of this invitation by seeking you out in prayer more frequently. Instill in me the desire to crave your counsel and guidance in my life more often. Draw me into your Word so that I know what to pray for, and through it develop and deepen my prayer life so that I – along with others – may be abundantly blessed by your answers to our prayers. 

In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen. 

PRAYERS FOR GUYS

To Be Real

Heavenly Father,
In an effort to impress, we often present a pretend version of ourselves to others. We attempt to hide our flaws by highlighting our feats. We distract others from our shortcomings by redirecting them to our successes. We are insecure and afraid of not being respected. 

Forgive us for being overly concerned with the thoughts and opinions of others to the degree that we would ever compromise our integrity. When we know who we are in you, we can be real with others. We can let go of the self-imposed pressure of trying to measure up. We can let others see the real us – the forgiven fakes and purified pretenders, who are now free to be real.  

In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen. 

PRAYERS FOR GUYS

For Properly Placed Confidence

Lord God,
So much in our lives revolves around performance and productivity. These metrics also tend to serve as points of comparison when we wish to see how we measure up against other guys. 

Guard our hearts from allowing such metrics to also serve as a basis for determining where we stand with you. Such a path can only result in one of two pitfalls: overconfident pharisaism or insecure despair. 

Instead, lead us always to look to your cross for confidence. Your life was not a performance; it was perfection. While your death appeared to be anything but productive, by it and by your resurrection you brought about eternal life for us. Assure us that through you alone we stand forgiven. 

In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen. 

PRAYERS FOR GUYS

Keep me from being judgmental

God of all grace,
The world is filled with judgment and condemnation. I, too, am guilty of standing in judgment of others without being fully aware of their situation or charitably assuming the best of their words and actions. 

Yet in your mercy, you do not treat me the same way. Instead of judging me as I deserve, you justify – declare me “not guilty” – on account of Jesus! 

Through your forgiveness, fill my heart with your charity and grace. Grant me the patience to avoid rushing into judgement of others before understanding the whole picture. In a judgmental world that is too comfortable tearing down, use me instead to build up and encourage others.

In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen. 

Real Assurance

(1 John 3:18-24)

We are no strangers to pharmaceutical companies promoting the latest ground-breaking medication or treatment for everything under the sun in commercials filled with active people living their best lives filled with joyful smiles. Of course the commercials all end with the same disclaimer, listing every possible side-effect from those that are inconvenient up to and including some that may even be life-threatening. 

But perhaps what is more commonly overlooked is that oftentimes in the commercial, the intended results of the medication or treatment cannot make the reliable claim that it will work in all the people all of the time. Instead, the results are couched in language that indicates possibility without making promises. “Some participants experienced positive results.” “A certain percentage of those treated noticed a difference.” “Patients may respond well to the treatment.” Whatever the language, rarely is there a guarantee that something is effective all of the time. In fact, it isn’t just pharmaceutical companies; we’ve gotten used to products across the board the really do nothing more than offer the possibility of improvement in one way or another.

While that may be the new norm for a culture who is used to being marketed to nonstop, there’s one area that we cannot ever find peace in merely the possibility of or high percentages. We cannot rest easy unless nothing but a full guarantee is provided. Only REAL assurance will do. To what am I referring? Our status before God. 

John grabs our attention as those interested in this assurance with a phrase from our verses. He addresses how we can “set our hearts at rest in his presence” (v.19). That’s what we want! That’s what we’re after! The peace of mind of not having to worry if we should be stressed in his presence, but can be confident of rest in his presence. We don’t want guesses. Not wishful thinking. Not possibility. Just real assurance. And it’s found only in Christ.

Outside of Christianity, optimism and possibility are the best offers anyone will find. Like the pharmaceutical companies, the best other religions can offer is possibility if you’ve lived a good enough life or tried hard enough. Maybe a higher being or god will be satisfied enough. But only Christianity says that’s not good enough. You can be assured of being at peace with God. You can be confident that your soul has every reason to be at rest in his presence – because of Jesus Christ.

Now that we’re paying attention to John, we’re listening to what he says next to find out how our hearts can be at rest in his presence. He writes, “If our hearts condemn us” (v.20). Doesn’t that apply to us all? We all have or even right now are dealing with heart that condemns us.

And there are different reasons for that. If your heart condemns you, in many cases there is probably a reason why! You’ve probably done or thought or said something deserving of such condemnation! When we did something wrong, when we broke a rule, our conscience accuses us. We know we weren’t entirely truthful with our spouse, and so our heart condemns us. That’s what the conscience does.

But it’s not just always because we’ve done something wrong. Sometimes our hearts go over the top in tearing us down. They convict us with feelings of guilt. Feelings of shame. Feelings of inadequacy. Feelings of insecurity. They’re all there, sometimes justifiably; other times not. But while your heart doesn’t care why those feelings or emotions are there, it definitely will make sure that you’re aware of them. That’s what John meant by the phrase, “If our hearts condemn us” (v.20).

We show that we recognize when our hearts accuse and condemn us because we try to address it. I could try to pretend what I did wasn’t that bad – but my own heart won’t be fooled. I could try to rationalize my wrong to someone else, but I still know why I really did it. I could try to shift the blame entirely onto someone else, but it would still linger because that never entirely lets me off the hook. I can try to imagine that God doesn’t really exist or that there’s no such thing as sin or wrong doing, but there’s too much in the world that seems to indicate otherwise. If so many billions have been convinced that there is a God, can I really be so confident that they’re all wrong and I am in the very small minority who is right? No, there is nothing we can do to get to that place of having a heart that is free of self-condemnation. 

John had an answer for when our hearts condemn us, as he continued, If our hearts condemn us we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything” (v.20). God knows everything. Wait, God knows everything??? How is that a comfort for when my heart condemns me? You mean I cannot hide from God what I think I can hide from my parent, my teacher, my spouse, my friend, anything that God doesn’t already know about? How terrifying! How is that a comfort that God knows everything?

Because God knows something else that is even more important that all the sin that we could never hide from him. He knows the solution to that sin because he himself is the solution to that sin. It was John who quoted Jesus in his Gospel with saying that very thing! “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned…” (John 3:16-18). Whoever believes is not condemned. Believing in Jesus = no condemnation! I don’t know about you, but that’s the kind of confident assurance I want before God! Jesus didn’t come into this world to condemn me but to rescue me.  

That’s why John emphasized the need for faith in Jesus in the verses from 1 John. He wants us to realize how and why we can actually be in a place of confidence before God where our hearts don’t actually condemn us. There is only one path that ends up in that place, and John highlights it in verse 23. “And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ.” Believe in Jesus Christ, and you are no longer condemned. That’s his command. So if we think God is most concerned with how we live or how we behave, we’re missing what matters most: what we believe and who we believe in for our assurance. Believing in the Son means we have assurance that we do not stand condemned before God.

Imagine if you had that level of confidence in approaching your boss about a concern or a request. Imagine having that level of confidence about a tough conversation you need to have with your spouse. Imagine having that level of confidence with the officer approaching your driver’s side window who just pulled you over.

With God, you don’t have to imagine, you just believe, and it’s the reality! You know exactly where you stand before a holy and righteous God thorugh faith in Christ Jesus. And where you stand is “not condemned.”

Not condemned.

Living in this kind of real assurance of eternal life is also one of the most freeing things a person could ever experience. And what does it change us to do? “Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth” (v.18). Real assurance means we can be real with others. There’s enough that’s fake in this world. There are enough pretenders. Yes, sometimes it’s us, too. We scroll past them on social media. We see them on the news. We get emails from them. We don’t need more artificial intelligence, but more real assurance. When we find that real assurance in Christ, we can then be real with others. Often times that means we can go beyond words, as John encourages us, and make a real difference with actions and truth.

To better appreciate what this means, let’s start by acknowledging how exceptional we are at manipulating words. For example, in an effort to soften the blow or avoid conflict or more pressure from someone else, even though we are virtually 100% committed to not following through or attending, we tell others we’ll try or see if we can make it work or get back to you. Be honest – those are empty words. They mean nothing and carry no weight, and we really only throw them around pretending we’ve let ourselves off the hook. We use verbal sleight of hand to avoid the words that would more accurately reflect what we actually mean.

Instead of all of that, we can be honest about what we really mean by speaking the truth. We can spend more time in action instead of a lot of mental time hiding our intentions or wishes with verbal camouflage. And where we struggle in any of these areas, let us take advantage of the added blessing that comes with the real assurance we have in Christ: the privilege of prayer.

“Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask…” (v.21-22). Because we have complete assurance of where we stand before God, we also have direct access to God, with the added promise that he will hear and answer our prayers. When we ask of God what God wants for us and others, he’ll grant it.

And guess what? God just made it clear what he wants for us and others: to love with actions and truth instead of words or speech. If that’s what God wants and our prayers are tied to making that happen, then count on God coming through. In other words, if you genuinely want to grow in loving others with real action and in truth instead of being fake or pretend, you need only to ask. The God who assures you that he hasn’t condemned you also assures you that he will complete your requests. Unlike the website that times out or the app that cannot complete the requested action, God hears – and answers – your prayers. Really.

That’s the blessing of real assurance. If you want it, stop paying attention to your heart. Don’t listen to it. Don’t follow it. Don’t let it guide you. God is greater than your heart, and he says what your heart can never know on its own: in Jesus Christ, you are not condemned. Believe it, it’s true. Then, go live in that truth by putting your faith and love into real action.