Tag: forgive

DAILY PRAYERS FOR GUYS

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To Not Withhold Forgiveness

Forgiving Father,
Help me forgive others. While forgiveness is central to the Christian faith, there are times I struggle to forgive others. There are some sins, some hurts, some wrongs, that are just difficult to move past, whether directed at me or others. Other times the issue is that I manufacture my own ideas of behavior or words that I demand to see from others so that I can determine if they are remorseful enough to deserve my forgiveness. 

But that isn’t how forgiveness works when you extend it to me. Neither should I allow it to be my approach when forgiving others. Help me to let go of anything I might harbor in my heart that would hinder me from freely forgiving others. When my own self-righteousness, bitterness, or resentment interfere with my forgiving of others, sweep such sin out of my heart. Instead, let my forgiveness be full and swift, no matter the wrong committed or the individual who committed it. In that way let my forgiveness toward others imitate your forgiveness toward me.  

In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen. 

PRAYERS FOR GUYS

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To Forgive Others

Merciful Father,
Forgiveness is foundational to my faith. Indeed, it is why I can even approach you with my prayers in the first place. No words or expression of my thanks could ever fully capture how grateful I am for your forgiveness.

Yet as appreciative as I am for your willingness to forgive me, still I struggle more than I should with forgiving others. There are those whose actions have left me with significant scars. There are others who have carried out unimaginably despicable things against others. In cases like these, it can be easier for me to withhold my forgiveness and to bear a grudge. I know better, yet I remain bitter. 

In such cases, fix my eyes to your cross, where I see again the price you paid for my forgiveness. Remind me that even though I daily give you every reason to bear a grudge against me, to remain bitter toward me, and to withhold your forgiveness from me, instead you choose to forgive all of my sin. Always. Give me your grace to always forgive others in that same way.

In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen. 

A Quick-to-Forgive Church

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(Genesis 50:15-21)

Joseph’s life has all the makings of an unforgettable revenge story. Jealous brothers plotted his murder. After having tempered their resentment a bit, however, they settled for selling him as a slave instead. Then, despite exceptional performance reviews and a very respectable reputation as a servant in his master’s house, Joseph’s world came crashing down again. He was the victim of vindictive lies and slander that not only ruined his reputation, but landed him in prison. Even in prison, despite his commendable behavior restoring his good name and the assistance he provided to others in his God-given interpretations of their dreams, he was still forgotten and overlooked for a time by those he helped.

Finally, though, the door opened up for him to ascend to the role of the most powerful man in Egypt next to Pharaoh himself! That’s when the opportunity for what surely could have been one of the most memorable stories of revenge presented itself. His brothers found themselves unknowingly in his presence, completely at his mercy while seeking aid for their starving families. Oh, how Joseph could have unleashed his wrath as a result of decades of pent-up spite, bitterness, and resentment! It would have been a story for the ages!

And it was. It still is. But not for the reason we might have expected; not for revenge. Instead, it’s a story for the ages because of something far more powerful than revenge: Joseph’s choice to forgive his brothers. 

As The Church God Wants series wraps up, it shouldn’t surprise us at that God desires that his Church – that believers – be quick to forgive. Forgiveness is both how and why the Church even exists in the first place! The Church is not just the beneficiary of forgiveness, but its executor as well. We receive it and we distribute it. We are filled up with it and we fill others up with it. If there is one thing the Church is to do and be known for, it must always be forgiveness.

Why is that? Because no other group or institution in society bears that responsibility. Your employer is not required to teach or model forgiveness to you. “Forgiveness 101” is not a required course of study in our public schools or higher education institutions. Your kid’s coach or piano teacher is not being paid or volunteering to help your child learn about forgiveness. The government has not established any rules or regulations to foster forgiveness by threat of fine or jail time (which would of course be a bit ironic). Finally, while in many cities you will have no problem finding community centers, homeless shelters, and food pantries, I have yet to hear of anything resembling a “forgiveness facility.” 

You won’t find such things elsewhere because even society – non-believers and believers alike – realizes that forgiveness is really the church’s business. Forgiveness has historically been understood to be the church’s responsibility.

For that reason, those outside the church tend to pay very close attention when those who belong to it – Christians – fail to forgive. Even they recognize that’s what the Church exists to do… even if they don’t fully recognize the how or why, which is of course one and the same: Jesus.

The Church forgives because the Church exists as a result of Jesus’ forgiveness. Remove his perfect life of obedience from the equation and his death on the cross would not have mattered. Take away his death on the cross and the empty tomb would not have been possible. Do away with the empty tomb, leaving a still-dead-today Jesus, and his payment would have been insufficient and death and hell would still reign. 

But, since we have all of those and everything else that we need in Jesus, we have forgiveness. As long as the church has Jesus, she has all she needs to continue as the source of freely-flowing forgiveness. That means we have something both to receive and to give. What is our part in that? Our role involves both hearing and speaking that forgiveness and each case, for various reasons, sometimes that is very difficult and sometimes it comes quite easily.

When it comes to hearing that forgiveness, it can at times be one of the hardest things of all to hear and at other times the sweetest music to our ears. What accounts for the difference? How could forgiveness ever be hard to hear?

When we don’t feel we need it. After all, when a person has “done nothing wrong,” then there’s nothing to forgive. And that would be true… if we could ever actually figure out how to avoid all wrongdoing. Our shortcoming, however, is our failure to see our wrong or identify it as such. If we spent as much time simply owning our sin and confessing it as we do denying it, excusing it, or blaming others for it, then there would be less kicking and screaming and insisting on our innocence and more reconciliation and healing. 

Those are the times when forgiveness is pure music to our ears – when our guilty ears long to hear it and our troubled hearts know we need it. When the law has done its job and exposed me as the fraud I am in so many ways, I am ready to receive the sweet freedom that only the gospel of forgiveness offers. When my stubbornness, my grudge-bearing, my refusal to forgive others, my selfishness, my stinging words, my neglect of God, my reckless spending – when all of this becomes clearly evident and our guilt won’t let go, then we crave the assurance that Jesus gives. Then we soak up his forgiveness. At those times we cannot hear it too much. 

Hearing forgiveness can be hard or easy, depending on how ready our hearts are to receive it. But speaking words of forgiveness can challenge us as well. Sometimes the words are difficult to speak and other times forgiveness seems to ease effortlessly from our lips. Why is that? How could forgiveness ever be hard to speak? When we feel the other person doesn’t deserve it.

But we must stop right there and be very clear about something before we go on. 

It’s only a worldly – and therefore rather limited and virtually impotent – version of forgiveness that attaches any sense of requirement to it. Only the world speaks of forgiveness in terms of the guilty party somehow being deserving enough or sorry enough or pitiful enough for forgiveness. In other words, it’s a limited forgiveness, a conditional one. 

But God’s forgiveness that extends through his Church is not at all like that. It isn’t limited. It isn’t conditional. It isn’t at all dependent on how deserving the recipient may or may not be, because it is entirely grace-based. That means it isn’t ever deserved and cannot ever be earned. So the kind of forgiveness that is withheld because someone has determined the guilty party doesn’t deserve it is not the kind of forgiveness found in the church. 

When we find it difficult to forgive others, it’s because we’re focused on the world’s “forgiveness” and not the Church’s. That happens when we focus on the wrong itself and how awful it was or the wrongdoer himself and how awful he is to have committed it. Where either the gravity of the wrong committed or the degree of wickedness of the wrongdoer himself is the determining factor, forgiveness will always be conditional.

That also means it will be subjective. One person who determines the wrong or the wrongdoer wasn’t really that bad may find it easy to forgive, while another person may struggle mightily with the same sin because of a different personal experience or perception of that sin. So the kind of forgiveness dependent on the gravity of the crime or the wickedness of the perpetrator – a forgiveness not sanctioned in the Bible, by the way – will always be hard to speak. 

Other times, though, words of forgiveness are come easily. When?

When we focus not on the wrongdoer, but on our forgiver, Jesus. Yes, you read that right – when we focus on our forgiver. That is always the best and necessary place to start. I need to put myself at the center of the investigation and lay bare my whole history, my whole track record of sin, remembering all the despicable stuff I’ve done.

Then, when I realize that God has not withheld his forgiveness for any one of my sins, but that Jesus’ blood has covered and washed away every last one, it seems downright laughable that I should stand before someone else and pretend that his wrong is the exception. How absurd that I could accept that my sin should be cancelled but that his sin could not possibly be. Those are the moments when it hits me why Jesus told the story of the unmerciful servant in Matthew 18. He wanted to convict me of how ludicrous it is of me to ever withhold forgiveness from someone else until they _______________ (fill in the blank with any requirement you’d like to attach).

No, forgiveness comes so much more easily when I look first at who has forgiven me. When I see Jesus nailed to the cross, imagining a banner with the words, “Paid in full” over him, I see no ground to stand on where I can withhold Jesus’ same payment from someone else. No matter what they’ve done. No matter how much what they did hurt me. No matter how much ongoing damage it causes me. No matter how much I might still be processing it even years later.

When I let go of the burden of trying to pretend the heavy weight of dispensing forgiveness is mine to bear and instead remember that Jesus already carried that weight and earned my forgiveness, then I can freely and fully forgive others. 

That’s why Joseph wept. He had already forgiven his brothers. But he was finding out how hard it can be for that forgiveness to sink in. He had forgiven his brothers 17 years ago, and here they were still terrified that the real punishment they deserved was going to be be exacted upon them after their dad died and Joseph no longer had to “fake” forgiveness. 

But in place of the retribution his brothers expected, they received reassurance. Instead of demanding restitution from his brothers for all the harm they had done to him, he promised to provide for all their families’ needs. No revenge, just forgiveness in its place. Joseph didn’t dwell on the damage his brothers had done to him, but rather on the good God had worked through him. “But Joseph said to them, ‘Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.’ And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them” (v.19-21). 

Notice something rather profound in Joseph’s words. He knew full well the responsibility of making sure justice was carried out perfectly was not his, but God’s. “Am I in the place of God,” he asked. Of course not!

However, we are, in a sense, in the place of God today. We are in the place of God when we apply his forgiveness to others who know they need it. We are in the place of God when we withhold that forgiveness from God for those who see no sin in themselves that needs forgiving. God has given that responsibility to his church to forgive, as he has forgiven us. Then alone do we stand in the place of God, as if God himself were the one pronouncing his forgiveness upon a penitent sinner. That is exactly what God wants in us. That is exactly the kind of church God wants – a quick-to-forgive church. May we always be just that, and may others always see that when they look at us. 

“Habits of His Grace: Forgiveness”

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(Luke 7:36-50)

What would the scenario have to look like today? You are the host of the party. You are Simon. While unlikely, perhaps your motives in inviting Jesus are pure and you’re still searching to discover what you should think of him. Or, the whole thing is just a setup to see to hopefully see him stumble in a sticky situation. So in comes the woman with a sordid reputation… only in our day and age, we’d have to replace her with someone else? Whom might that be? Who would it really ruffle your feathers to see Jesus interact with in this way? A leading politician of the other political party you can’t stand? An outspoken activist for social justice? A proponent pushing pro-choice? An advocate for sexual or gender fluidity/orientation/preference? Because honestly, we’re so familiar with interactions Jesus had with sinful women in the Bible that we find ourselves rather sympathetically siding with the sinful women when we know those “no-good rotten Pharisees” are looking down on them. But would we have the same sympathy if we replaced the sinful women with the types of people that would make us cringe if Jesus were to treat them the same way?

In other words, forgiveness is nice and tidy when we see Jesus extend it to a sinful woman in Scripture, but perhaps that leaves us unable to see in ourselves a bit of Simon who was so offended that Jesus would engage in any way whatsoever with such people. But maybe we’d see more of Simon in ourselves if we replace the sinful woman with one of today’s equivalents that would bring our blood to a boil to see Jesus treat them as he did the woman. Then perhaps we would grasp what is central to understanding the unique challenge of this habit of his grace, forgiveness: that the problem is rarely the way we prefer to frame it – with the sinner on the other end, but rather the sinner on this end who by nature is selectively stingy with forgiveness toward others.

That’s the real reason this habit of his grace is so difficult. It’s honestly because it shows what’s wrong with ourselves more than what’s wrong with anyone else. It shows how unlike Jesus you truly are. It shows how undeserving of Jesus’ forgiveness and mercy you truly are when you can’t apply forgiveness to someone else. It shows how unworthy of heaven you really are to choose a to bear a grudge rather than to forgive. It shows that hell is not actually some really awful place reserved for really awful people, but that it’s a place for people like you who cannot forgive. So when you’re ready to stop hanging on to the idea that forgiveness is so hard because of what someone else may have ever done to you and instead accept that it’s so hard because it shows the painful picture of how unJesus-like you actually are, then progress can be made. 

Because that’s when Jesus’ forgiveness for you reaches a new depth of meaning and significance. Like, say, such a stream of tears flowing down your cheeks that they are substantial enough to wash Jesus’ feet. “As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them” (v.38). Compare the night and day difference between Simon and the sinful woman in the presence of Jesus. One can’t keep it together because she’s so emotionally overcome by the gracious forgiveness that rightly connects with its source, Jesus. The other can hardly keep it together because he’s nearly emotionally overcome with outrage by the sight of supposedly upstanding Jesus allowing a sinful woman to touch his feet! One was well aware of her sin and the joy of forgiveness; the other knew nothing of either. 

This was not only evident to Jesus, who alone can see the heart of each individual and know what is in it; but, that forgiveness had taken root in one heart and not the other was evident in their outward behavior, which Jesus didn’t hesitate to point out in front of everyone. “Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet” (v.44-46). That’s what forgiveness does – it won’t be kept concealed or hidden away to remain unseen; rather, it flows seamlessly into service. It blossoms into fruit. Forgiveness is the fertilizer which brings forth an abundant harvest of good works of love and service to others. The whole life of a Christian and anything good that comes from us can be traced all the way back to the radical power of forgiveness. Jesus connected that forgiveness to the woman’s humble service of gratitude: “Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown” (v.47a). Forgiveness had made itself so evident and obvious through her act of great love.

And in that respect, faith’s forgiveness is so radically different than any poor imitation forgiveness the world tries to offer up. The world is willing to grant forgiveness only when it determines the guilty party to be deserving of it. The world demands certain qualifications must be met. A level of remorse must not only be expressed, but also shown by actions. The world decides when punishment must be rendered in place of forgiveness. Appropriate actions must precede forgiveness. And, if these qualifications aren’t met and someone still extends forgiveness, it leaves a bitter taste in the world’s mouth. It resents it and sees that kind of forgiveness as weak and powerless. That’s why not everyone had the same reaction when Brandt Jean extended forgiveness to his brother’s murderer in the courtroom about a year and a half ago. Some expressed disgust and disappointment over video of the high-profile case that showed him leave the witness stand to hug Amber Guyger, who murdered his brother, Botham Jean, in his own apartment. While many applauded his powerful words and actions expressing his forgiveness, others saw no place for such mercy.

While every one of us knows that we ought to praise such a fine example of forgiveness and imitate it, too often we imitate the world’s poor excuse for forgiveness instead of faith’s forgiveness. We take up our gavel as judge to determine when others deserve forgiveness. We decide who is forgiven and who is not. And sometimes we are even less inclined to forgive each other – fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, justifying it because we have a different standard for Christians… instead of remembering that being a Christian does not mean one has ceased to be a sinner. So if we decide that forgiveness is applied on the basis of one’s actions, then we have forgotten how forgiveness came about in the first place.

The sinful woman’s forgiveness wasn’t earned by her actions. Her washing of Jesus’ feet did not open the floodgates of forgiveness. Rather, it was the other way around! The floodgates of forgiveness brought on the tears and grateful foot washing. She was forgiven so much that it burst forth from her heart in a loving act of gratitude.

That was the point of the quick illustrative story Jesus told. “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?” (v.41-42). We all know the type of story Simon would have preferred, the same type of story that little Pharisee in each of us would also prefer. That’s the one about the moneylender to whom two borrowers owed a certain amount of money. One of the borrowers was always on time with his payment. In fact, sometimes he was even early! Other times he even paid back more than his monthly payment. And, he had even been known to help others with their payments on occasion! The other borrower, however, was rarely on time with his payment and had a habit of just coming up short each month with what he owed. The moneylender was delighted in the borrower who was on time and went above and beyond to pay back his debt. But he was displeased by the other borrower who clearly was less than desirable. Simon and the proud Pharisee in each of us would love to have Jesus tell that story just once in his ministry! Oh, that we could find such a story somewhere in the Bible that would validate why we’re so deserving of what God gives us, because we are fine, upstanding Christians, doing our part to pay back the debt we owe!

Alas, Jesus never tells such a story. His story is always one about the borrower never being able to pay back a debt, and the lender having to cancel his debt. But if the other story would be told then we would be justified in withholding forgiveness from others who have wronged us or whom we perceive to be inferior in their Christian faith – those who never seem to pay back what they owe on time! But there is no such story. For there is no such borrower who can pay back a single cent of what is owed to a Holy Righteous God. Luther said it best: “wir sind alle Bettler” (“We are all beggars”). If we ever approach God with even an ounce of expectation, confident in self, thinking we just might have earned so much as a crumb from him, we will always be underwhelmed by what he gives us. But when we come to him with the heart of a humble beggar, holding out our hands desperately to receive whatever he might give us in her mercy, we will always be overwhelmed by what he gives us. And when we are always overwhelmed by what he gives us, we are on our way to establishing this habit of his grace as we overwhelm others with the same forgiveness Jesus has lavished on us.

At the beginning I asked who we’d have to replace the woman with for this account to strike a chord with us today. Who would really get under your skin to see Jesus interact with and lavishly forgive? But the greatest takeaway from this account is not to leave you today feeling more like Simon, guilty for being selectively stingy with forgiveness. No, today see yourself as the sinful woman. Because that’s who you are in this account, by God’s grace. We are always the sinful woman, which is to say we are always the forgiven woman. Let Jesus speak to you daily the words he spoke to the woman: “Your sins are forgiven. Your faith has saved you; go in peace” (v.48, 50). Then, let our love show that we are forgiven. We have been forgiven so, so much. Let us love as much as we forgive others. 

Knowing –> Loving –> Living: The Lamb (Sermon)

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How you live depends on who you know. To know and care only about yourself is to live a life of selfishness – one which will be empty of real joy and purpose. If you want more than that for your life, get to know the One who can make it possible – the Lamb. This is the first sermon of a six-week series, Knowing –> Loving –> Living.

Listen to the sermon audio here.

“The Lamb” (John 1:29-41 sermon), was preached at Shepherd of the Hills Ev. Lutheran Church (WELS) on Sunday, January 19, 2020.