Tag: friendship

PRAYERS FOR GUYS

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For Blessing on Our Friendships

Friend of Sinners,
Thank you for the gift of friendship. You bring people into our lives who share common interests, delight in the same joys, and celebrate similar wins together with us. Friends heighten the highs in our lives and lighten the lows. 

Forgive us for when we have been short with our friends or treated them in ways that have hurt them. Help us, as far as we are able, to repair any damage that we have caused in these relationships. Restore us, rebuilding any trust that has been broken, and repair the bond we once had. 

It is because of your saving work on our behalf that you no longer consider us slaves, but friends. Enable us to be for others the kind of friend to be held in the highest regard, and continue to richly bless all of our friendships.

In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen. 

Real Fellowship

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(1 John 1:1-4)

It can feel a bit like a sucker punch when it happens. It can happen in a number of different ways, but somehow you discover that a friendship you share with someone doesn’t have the same level of closeness for the other person as it does for you. It may have became obvious that you were just being used as a means to an end when interaction in the friendship comes to a halt after they got what they wanted. Or something that you shared in confidence was shared with another person. Or you heard through the grapevine that this friend supposedly shared something rather negative about you with someone else.

It stings. It hurts to find out that a friendship or relationship with someone that you valued highly does not carry the same weight for them as you thought it did. 

While John doesn’t use the word “friendship” in these verses, his use of the word “fellowship” certainly includes the idea of it. Fellowship is often the term used to describe relationships that exist within the church of believers. However, there really is one fellowship, one friendship we have that matters more than all others – our relationship with God. In these verses John draws attention to both that special fellowship, as well as the fellowship with other believers which flows from that. 

He explains, “We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ” (v.3). The reality of Jesus’ Resurrection is that it cements the blessings of fellowship we share both with Christ and with his church, with all believers. Those bonds, those relationships and friendships, surpass all others, not only in their quality, but in their duration: they will be forever!

This blessing of fellowship that Christians share is vastly underrated and underutilized today. The way John speaks about it here directly dismisses today’s common take on religion/spirituality – one that has crept its way into Christianity, too – that one’s faith is only between God and that person. “I don’t need to belong to a church or attend one to have faith in God. I can feed my faith and grow in my faith on my own in so many ways nowadays. The significance and role of the church isn’t what it used to be. It just isn’t as necessary as it used to be.” That approach actually reveals a level of immaturity and misunderstanding, not to mention selfishness, when it comes to understanding church and fellowship. While it’s true that faith in Jesus is personal, it isn’t private, nor did God ever intend it to be.

John stated very clearly his purpose for passing on his eyewitness testimony, and it wasn’t only for others to be brought into fellowship with God, but also with God’s people: “…so that you also may have fellowship with us” (v.3). No one is ever just brought to faith in Jesus, but also into fellowship with believers. And that is God’s intent, since he uses fellowship to funnel his blessings to us – and through us to others!

Consider the imagery that the apostlePaul often refers to in his letters when talking about believers. When he writes about the different ways God has gifted individuals within the church, he likens it to a body (see Romans 12 & 1 Corinthians 12). A body has lots of different parts and unique responsibilities, but as each carries out its own unique task, the whole body ends up being served.

That picture of the body also captures the oneness, the unity, the fellowship within the church, which flows from the body being connected not only to all the respective parts, but also to Christ, the head. Without the head, the rest of the connections would be meaningless, because the body could not exist. But with Christ as the head, connected to the rest of the body, the body functions in harmony and with purpose. Each part is valued and appreciated, and each part carries out its work to serve the whole body, not just its own selfish purposes. It’s a beautiful thing – and it’s real. 

How can we be sure though? When we’ve been burned before by past relationships that still sting, how can we be sure it will be any different within the church? Because of the Resurrection. 

It’s understandable that we may not get it at first. Neither did Thomas. Thomas was not with the disciples that Easter evening when Jesus appeared to them. The reports of Jesus being raised from the dead had been pouring in all around, from the women as well as those disciples in the upper room. Yet Thomas struggled to believe it could be true because he wasn’t present to witness it and experience it himself. Not only did he have his doubts – he didn’t even try to hide them or keep them to himself. He bluntly expressed to the others that he refused to believe what his own senses were not able to confirm! 

Surely that doubt left an impression on the disciples who had seen and touched the risen Jesus, to the point that it made John aware of how natural it was for others to doubt or be skeptical of the Resurrection. For that reason, John emphasized that he and the other disciples could confirm the Resurrection because they weren’t settling for some second-hand report about it. Rather, they themselves were eyewitnesses. 

“That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked at and our hands have touched—this we proclaim concerning the Word of life. The life appeared; we have seen it and testify to it, and we proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and has appeared to us. We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard…” (v.1-3a). Since in Christ, God really dwelled among men, and John and others really witnessed it, what we have in him is real. Since they witnessed a very alive Jesus, the Resurrection was real. Therefore, what we have here within the church – is real.

The older I get, the more I can relate to what John repeatedly expresses in his letters – that he has no greater joy than to see his children walk in love and truth. Seeing Christians connect with each other is a joy. When those connections are real and strong and meaningful, it’s a beautiful reminder of what God does and continues to do when he builds up his church. It’s built through the Word and the Sacrament, but don’t discount that what God is also building is real relationships with each other through the good news of the gospel, which is rooted in the Resurrection of Jesus. It’s real, and so is our connection with each other because of it. 

John isn’t just passing along theological bullet points here, either. He is talking about real relationships that exist within the body of Christ because Christ is risen. And just as he does in his other letters, here too, he highlights that those real relationships are for him a source of joy. His final words in these verses capture that. “We write this to make our joy complete” (v.4). It fills John with joy to see the fellowship that Christians share. 

In fact, his joy doesn’t reach its fullest potential until he communicates it to others. Yes, John himself knows Jesus. He knows he’s forgiven. He knows heaven is his home. He knows a Jesus joy and peace that cannot be experienced ever anywhere in this world apart from him.

Yet even with all of that, John is still lacking… until he writes and tells others about it. Then his joy is complete. It has to be expressed, both to his fellow believers (to whom he’s writing) and to others who through his gospel message might be brought into the same fruit-bearing fellowship with Jesus and his church.

What is keeping you from discovering that same joy? Skepticism? A refusal to open up because you’ve been burned in the past? Drifting away from Jesus and his church? Letting misplaced priorities rob you of the genuine joy of Christian fellowship? 

If I drew a picture of circles within a larger circle and each shrinking circle represented greater engagement and connection and commitment to Jesus and his church, with the very center of the circle being the absolute most engaged a person could ever be in their congregation, which circle would you place yourself in?

Are you on the fringe – you’re listed in the directory but hardly know anyone and when you show up, others take you for a guest? Are you a step inside that circle? You attend occasionally enough to know a few faces but aren’t really interested in more than that? Are you one step inside that circle? You attend pretty regularly, perhaps your children are enrolled in the school, you give regularly and are likely to sign up for things? Are you a step inside that, actively attending a Bible class or small group, and serving consistently? Are you inside that, leading others, giving generously, and regularly making your joy complete by telling others about Jesus as John did? Which circle would you place yourself in, and what would it take to work on getting closer to the center?

The bonds that are forged and fortified within the church are different than any other because the foundation of those bonds is different. When Jesus is what we have in common, then we have something far more substantial than just a common interest or cause. It’s not like joining a Facebook Group of hikers that you check periodically when you’re planning a hike. No one will check in on you if you don’t post or comment for weeks or months. You can be as engaged as much or as little as you like. You have no real commitment or responsibility to the group.

But when Jesus is the basis of our bond, we have from him all that we need. We also have from him anything that others might need from us. He won’t make a promise he can’t keep. His feelings toward us are not conditional. His love and forgiveness toward us are not based on the merit of our contributions to the group. When HE is the shared bond, then HE provides all that we need.

Not only does he do that for us in Word and Sacrament; he also does it through us as we fellowship with one another. When you think of the ways we experience the blessings of Jesus in our lives, so many of those are experienced through fellow believers.

A girlfriend patiently listens to and cares about your frustrations over coffee. A godly man that you admire greatly offers marriage advice when you hit a rough patch. An anonymous gift buoyed you up when you were struggling financially. The prayers that you never heard that were being offered up for you. The conversations others were having about how best to help you in your time of need. The care and concern shown when you were drifting away. The focused accountability to remind you of your commitments and the importance of carrying them out. The compassion expressed in so many ways when you were hurting.

Many of us can testify that we experience these things to a greater degree within our church family than we do even within our biological family! This is the fellowship that we have in Christ that John is celebrating. It’s real, because Jesus and his Resurrection are real.

Do you want to experience this level of connection and fellowship, but wonder how to? Then foster that fellowship. Attend a Bible class. Sign up to serve. Show up for activities. Worship together. Offer to help others. The list is endless. Make my joy complete by taking the next step. Better yet, put a smile on Jesus’ face by being deliberate about growing in your faith and fellowship. Oh, and you can be sure you’ll end up finding plenty of joy yourself, too. It’s real – as real as the Resurrection!

Focused Friendship

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(Ruth 1:1-19)

It’s catching up to me. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to put it off. I’m squinting more than I used to and, while I wish I could say it’s because of the bright sun, it’s not. No, it’s because things further away have somehow managed to get blurrier in recent years. So squinting is an attempt to sharpen my focus in order to see things more clearly. It’s frustrating when things are blurry. When things are blurry they’re out of focus.

When the blurred vision is gradual, it’s often so subtle that a person isn’t aware of how out of focus things have become. We get used to what is blurry. You’ve experienced this if you’ve thought your eyesight was just fine, only to try on someone else’s glasses and find they allowed you to see things much more clearly. You might remember thinking that you don’t need one of those fancy new 4K Ultra super high definition televisions you see walking into the electronics store because the picture on your current television is just fine. But if you saw the two screens right next to each other, you would realize how much you’ve gotten used to a lower-quality picture.

While we could probably get by faking it through a lot of areas in life not realizing how blurry things are, doing so spiritually could have devastating results. So we want to bring our spiritual lives into focus over the next several weeks. 

We start by looking at friendship. Much has been made of the rampant loneliness affecting people today, which is rather surprising given that social media and online activity have allowed us to connect to more people than ever before. Nevertheless, we’re isolated. We’re alone. We don’t have as many friends as we used to. 

Yet, we all value friendship. We all crave it. When we think of meaningful friendships, we do so in terms of how other people treat us. We assess our friends on the basis of how reliable they are, how quickly they respond, how interested in us they are, how much they share with us, etc.

Do you notice this? Our valuation of friendships is almost entirely based on what others do or don’t do for us (as opposed to a focus on what we do or don’t do for others). Doesn’t this betray how innately self-centered we are? It’s like we view our friendships as if we’re in the HR department and constantly either conducting interviews to hire new friends or doing performance reviews on our current friends to see if they still measure up. Our view of friendship is naturally out of focus. It’s blurry – at least when we compare our view of friendship with God’s view of it and his desire for it.

As we look at Ruth, we start to see things more clearly. We start to see what focused friendship looks like; friendship that seeks first to be friendly rather than to be friended. Why does it matter? Is our goal simply to be more like Ruth as we pursue focused friendship? No, but as we do, our own relationships will blossom and God’s kingdom will bloom. 

Stick with that picture for a moment. You don’t have to be a green thumb or a garden guy or gal to appreciate flowers. Even if you don’t fancy yourself the flower type, we can all agree that plants, trees, and flowers that are healthy and blooming with bright colors and fascinating structure and growth liven up a yard or a room in a way that neglected or dying plants cannot. Think about it – have you ever given someone flowers or a plant only to see a downcast expression on their face as a result? Never! Such things cheer and uplift! In the same way, so does focused friendship. So let us pursue focused friendship with the confidence that our own relationships will blossom and God’s kingdom will bloom.

One introductory detail serves to make Ruth’s story stand out: “In the days when the judges ruled…” (v.1). Yes, Ruth’s dedication, her focused friendship which we see in this account, is inspiring in its own right. However, what makes her story pop even more is the backdrop against which it is set.

The “days when the judges ruled” were not Israel’s finest! In fact, the main theme that runs through the time of the judges is Israel’s self-centered rebellious disregard of friendship with the Lord! They repeatedly pursued friendship with the heathen nations around them – which might have been noble on their part if the intent was to turn them to the true God – but it wasn’t! Their pursuit of friendship with the world was based on worldly, godless attraction, the very kind God demanded they avoid as he prepared them for the promised land. 

And to shine an even brighter light on Ruth, notice that she wasn’t even an Israelite; she was a Moabite! A quick little refresher on the Moabites: their beginning was “ewwww.” After fleeing from Sodom and Gomorrah, Lot allowed his daughters to get him drunk and then they each slept with him. The oldest daughter’s son was named Moab, from where the Moabites came (Genesis 19:30ff). And if you remember the account of the talking donkey and the king who tried to enlist the help of a prophet to call down curses on Israel – that King Balak was king of Moab (Numbers 22-24). So not only was Ruth not a Jew, but as a Moabite, her family history was less than favorable!

It’s hard not to see the parallels with the Gospel account of the Good Samaritan. The good samaritan was the last individual anyone listening to Jesus would have expected to be the good one! Surely the priest or the levite should have been good! But neither was. Instead it was the Samaritan, degraded inferiors as far as the Jewish people were concerned. God truly goes to great lengths to see that his lessons hit the mark! He allows those who would be considered the least to take the lead in exemplifying who and what we are to be.

Now let us look to Ruth’s example of focused friendship. It starts with Naomi. Ruth’s mother-in-law, Naomi, had lost her husband over a decade ago. Naomi’s two sons had married Moabite women, Orpah and Ruth. Then Naomi’s sons both died, leaving Naomi without any male at all in her house, which at that time would have had a devastating impact on how Naomi would be able to get by. With Naomi’s blessing, Orpah left Naomi and returned to her people to make a fresh start re-establish her life. While we don’t take issue with Orpah’s decision to do so, her actions end up showcasing the selflessness of Ruth even more. 

Rather than follow suit and make a new beginning for herself as her mother-in-law encouraged her to, Ruth makes a remarkable decision. She opts to put her mother-in-law’s needs – and really her life – ahead of her own. Ruth was such a devoted daughter-in-law that she could only think of Naomi’s needs. That prompted her heart-felt commitment to Naomi: “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me” (v.16-17).    

Through Ruth, God provided for Naomi’s physical needs, but through Ruth’s greater Son, God provided for the spiritual needs of all people. Through Jesus, God provided for eternity. And no, Jesus was not merely another fine example, as Ruth and the Good Samaritan were; he was much more. His focused friendship toward fallen mankind was prompted by agape love, and unconditional love that was determined to do not what was in his own best interest, but what was absolutely necessary for the salvation of souls. His focused friendship meant a willingness to allow his Father forget and abandon him so he could forgive and absolve us. He put our needs before his own. Though again and again Satan tried to entice Jesus with some self-care, that surely just a little bit here and there he could put himself first, Jesus refused. He cared too much about us to put himself first. What focus! What devotion! What love! What friendship!

Do you have any friendships like that? Yes. You have Jesus. But do you treat your relationship with him as you do a dear friend? Do you put him first? Are you eager to spend time with him and hear from his Word what is on his heart and mind? Or… do you treat his friendship like we do so many others, giving attention to them only on the basis of “what have you done for me lately?” The answer for all of us is the same – too often, in too many ways, we don’t treat Jesus like a very good friend in our relationship with him. We don’t even deserve his friendship as a result.

Despite that though, he treats each and every one of us as if we’re his absolute best friend. And he always will. His friendship with us is grace-driven; it’s not based on how we treat him. May I ask a silly question? Do you enjoy knowing that your relationship with Jesus is grace-driven? Does that feel good?

What if someone else was able to first experience that good feeling through your friendship with them? What if you were their first experience with a grace-filled friendship – a friendship not because of what they gave you first or in return, but simply because you cared about them and chose to befriend them no matter what?

Focused friendship sees other people the way Jesus sees us. When our existing relationships are grace-driven and when we look to establish new grace-driven friendships, it’s as if we’re giving out free samples of what a grace-driven friendship with Jesus is like.

Has a free sample ever worked for you? Did you ever decide on that flavor of ice cream because you got to sample it first? Of course! Do you think others might be drawn more to Jesus if they experience more grace-driven friendship from Jesus’ followers, instead of only believing our culture’s negative narrative about Christians and Christianity? If you agree about any of this, then join me in being more focused in friendship – existing friendships and establishing new friendships, with the understanding that our grace-driven friendship with others could very likely make an eternal difference. He may very well be waiting to use your grace-driven friendship with them to ultimately bring others into an eternal grace-driven friendship with him.

Faith over Fear: Faith Loves (Sermon)

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The key to deeper friendships isn’t getting better at loving our friends, but rather loving the One who gave them to us. To know and be loved by him – and to love him best in return – enables us to love others rightly. When this happens, deep, rich, meaningful friendships with others will follow.

1 Samuel 20:12-17 was the text for this sermon, preached at Shepherd of the Hills / The Way LC (WELS) on Sunday, May 19, 2019.