We’re conflicted, aren’t we? A tension exists between two desires that many of us have: we want to fit in, but we also want to stand out. Sociologically speaking, we want to be a part of a group rather than be isolated or lonely or the odd person out. We don’t want to be on the outside looking in. So we have different group dynamics that help to meet that need. It might be our nuclear family. It might be a gaming group or online community. It might be a group that enjoys a shared interest or hobby. We want to fit in.
Yet within that group, there can be a desire to stand out. We don’t want to be just cookie-cutter copies of everyone else. We want to be somewhat different, an individual. We want others to take notice so that we aren’t just lost in the crowd of our particular group. We might want to stand out by being the best. We might have some odd or quirky contribution for which we become known. That’s our thing. It’s what makes us stand out.
For those wanting to stand out, look no further than Jesus’ words today. How do you stand out? Let Jesus tell you again: “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you” (v.27-31). There you have it. There are plenty of ways for you to stand out.
But it’s easier to just fit in with the rest of the world, isn’t it? And for those not interested in standing out, Jesus also laid out how you can easily continue to just fit in with the rest of the world. “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full” (v.32-34). If we summed up these words, it might be to say simply that we fit in with the rest of the world when we are kind to those we feel deserve it. If others are kind to us and treat us well, then we are kind to them and treat them well. You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours, and we’ll all get along just fine in the world.
Sounds good in theory, doesn’t it? But look around in the world today and ask how well that appears to be working out. If the criteria upon which we base our decision to be kind to others is whether or not they’re kind to us, then everything already starts to fall apart the very first time someone is unkind. If someone is unkind to me and I fail to show love to him because of it, now what happens when a third party unfamiliar with the situation sees me being unkind to that person? Now they have a reason not to show me love, and so on and so forth, until everything inevitably snowballs into a world devoid of kindness. What ends up happening then is that we aren’t looking for people to love; we’re looking for reasons not to love people. And frankly, we don’t have to look very hard, do we? Just like that, following the “be good only to those who are good to you” principle, we have a very badly broken world.
And the real underlying problem is this: if I am using others’ treatment of me as the determining factor for whether I will show them love or not, then who is fixing me? If the behavior of others is the only concern guiding my decision to love others or not, then I have blinders on regarding my own behavior. I am not dealing with me. I am by default always saying that any love the world expects to see from me will always and only depend on if the world loves me first. If I get love from the world, then I’ll show love to the world.
Stop right there and consider a most terrifying thought. What if Jesus had entered into our world determined to lead his life governed by that approach? “If I get love from the world, then I’ll show love to the world. If Jesus had decided to love only those who loved him, no one ever would have experienced Jesus’ love! No one would have been on the healing side of his miraculous touch. The 5,000 would have departed with empty stomachs. There would have been no good news delivered on the hillsides, the seasides, or in the synagogues. There would have been no cross or empty tomb. There would have been none of it had Jesus chosen to show love to the world only if he had received it first, because he never would have received it first. And had that been the case, everyone’s ticket for eternity would have been stamped for the same destination: damnation.
If there was ever going to be any love between God and men, God had to be the one to initiate it, because his enemies – you and me – were not interested. St. John reminds us, “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). Jesus did not come into the world waiting to receive love before he dished it out; rather, he came into the world to love the loveless, to love everyone who by nature hated him, to love you and me. And Paul describes that love, pointing out how radically different Jesus’ approach was. Jesus didn’t extend love only to those who loved him first. Jesus didn’t base his treatment of others on their treatment of him. Quite the opposite. “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). Jesus didn’t wait for the world’s love; rather, he loved his enemies first.
You think these words from Jesus are hard? Tell Jesus something he doesn’t know! Can we really take issue with how challenging Jesus’ call to love enemies really is when he knows from experience exactly what that entails? When you are caught up in how impossible it is to carry out these words of Jesus this morning, stop and reframe them.
See, when we hear or read these verses from Jesus, we automatically place ourselves in the role of “good guys” having to exercise all of these daunting actions toward the “bad guys.” But these words will take on a whole new meaning for you when you first hear them the way they need to be heard: seeing yourself in the role of the “bad guy,” or enemy, or the one who hates, or the one who curses, or the one who mistreats, slaps, steals. That’s your role and my role! That’s an accurate depiction of how we daily treat Jesus in our rebellious sin. With that understanding in mind, give thought to how you would treat you when acting that way. Would you have as much patience, understanding, compassion, mercy, forgiveness, etc. with you as you expect others to have with you? Absolutely not!
But Jesus did. And that’s what makes Jesus special. Miracles wow. Wise sayings amaze. Even his death and resurrection are astounding. But can anything top that these verses capture perfectly how Jesus chose to deal with us? Now that is astonishing!
And absolutely necessary, if we are to find any hope at all for being able to live out any of these hard sayings of Jesus, if we are to carry out the paradoxical charge to love haters. Jesus acknowledged that it isn’t easy. Easy is loving those who love you. That’s easy. But he rightly points out that anyone can do that, so it makes you no different than the unbelieving world.
Jesus, though, didn’t save you and set you apart to blend in with the world, but to stand out so that he might use you to draw others in. Stand out to draw others in. And do it by loving others. Everyone.
Do you know why it’s so important that you stand out in the world? It’s because God made you stand out. He saved you. He made you his. He promises you heaven. You stand out, but if you look and act and speak and behave exactly like the rest of the world, then you hide what he’s done for you. How will others ever know what God has done for you if you blend in? Stand out to draw others in. Otherwise they will glance right past you and not even know what they missed.
Billy Graham liked to tell a story of something that happened to him, early in his ministry. He had just arrived in a small town, having been invited to preach at an evening revival service. Graham had a few letters to mail, so he asked a young boy if he could tell him the way to the post office. The boy gave him directions, he thanked him and turned away — but then, on impulse, he turned back to the boy and said, “If you’ll come to church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to heaven.” “I don’t think I’ll be there,” said the boy. “You don’t even know the way to the post office.” If people fail to see that Christians don’t know the way to love radically, then why would they think Christianity is the way? Why would they consider Christ if Christ’s followers show the same lovelessness, impatience, self-righteousness, judgment, spite, bitterness, etc. that is the norm for the world? Why would they ever think twice about asking or exploring what is different about you if they don’t notice anything different about you?
Love others. Love everyone. Even the haters. Instead of throwing all of your energy into lamenting how rough we have it as Christians at the next persecution pity party, discuss how you could show love to those making your life so miserable. Instead of the disgusted eye roll the next time you hear of or interact with someone openly broadcasting their recent decision about their gender or identity, love them by listening to better understand them, remembering that they are in fact a human being. Instead of allowing your own pride to continue standing in the way of improving a strained or non-existent relationship with a friend or family member, swallow your pride and love them by gently and patiently bending over backward to meet them wherever they’re at, again and again, if necessary. The next time you’re struggling to love someone else in the way that person needs loving, ask yourself if Jesus would have withheld his love from you if you were in their shoes. And then immediately give thanks because you know he didn’t. He wouldn’t. Know that it is 100% possible to love your enemies. After all, Jesus loved you, didn’t he? And it changed your eternity. Love your enemies and take what could be the first step in changing their eternity, too.