One of the benefits of limited gatherings for Thanksgiving and in the weeks to come? You get out of inviting that awkward family member. Now I highly doubt any of you reading this fit that description of course, but we’ve all had the experience of squirming uncomfortably as the offensive uncle opens his mouth to say what everyone knew what was coming, but hoped wouldn’t. There’s the relative with no filter whose lack of social awareness astounds more and more every year. We’ve all had those experiences.
We can joke rather light-heartedly about those awkward family situations around the holidays, but for some of us, the messed up family dynamic goes much deeper than a few uncomfortable occasions at the dinner table. We come from broken homes, toxic relationships, shame-filled experiences, all of which have shaped who we are today and significantly impacted how we deal with our family. Abuse and alcoholism, desertion and death, neglect and narcotics, the list goes on. I’m talking about real trauma that still affects some of us today. These are not just movie subplots – this was childhood for some of us. There was no Leave it to Beaver romanticized, idyllic version of home & family growing up; dysfunction and disorder were the norm.
That can result in real shame and embarrassment regarding our families, and understandably so. There was no eagerness to bring home a date to meet mom or dad, but instead every effort to avoid any possible interaction at all. Being seen in public with certain family members was terrifying. Having to cover up or conceal the dysfunction from others brought stress and anxiety into many of the routine daily activities that other people just take for granted. Thoughts of family-time or being home for the holidays did not evoke warm, nostalgic feelings, but raised anxiety levels and involved thinking up plans to avoid any such occasions. Instead of the home and family being a place of safety and security, they were a source of shame and resentment.
This can all lead to two unfortunate extremes: one – I completely cut myself off from family. Anticipating the day you move out of the house and thinking about getting as far away from family as possible surely seems like a quick fix if family has equaled nothing but resentment and regret-filled relationships. Admittedly, there are occasions when that may even be the best option for a time, especially when abuse puts one at risk. Such a step may result in years or decades of having little to no contact with family. However, where real trauma or tragedy have taken place, it can be extremely challenging for the one who experienced it to process it in a healthy way without some sort of reconciliation or repentance from the offending party. So cutting our messed up families out of our lives may not be the best long-term solution.
A second extreme may be for the individual from a messed up family to start to identify the same way. “I come from a messed up family, which means I’m messed up, too.” When a person starts to identify in such ways, his or her own life can spiral into a tailspin of either self-destruction, or worse, perpetuating that same behavior onto others, including his or her own current family members. Then the cycle repeats itself. Sadly, this is a not at all uncommon result of broken homes. Hurt people hurt people, because their belief that they too are messed up is so strong that it validates any corresponding destructive behavior to self or others.
I acknowledge that this is not an easy topic to cover. It can be especially challenging because revisiting such messed up family history and trauma as some have experienced can run the risk of reopening those wounds all over again. But if the hope we speak of in Jesus is going to be more than just a seasonal buzz word or a theological concept, then we have to be very real about the hurts that hope can heal. That good news is wrapped up in today’s promise that Jesus brings hope for messed up people. That includes your messed-up family – past or present.
If you come from a messed up family, you’re in good company: so did Jesus. Matthew provides us with Jesus’ genealogy. Genealogies in Scripture raise a number of questions for us, and this is no different. There are questions about the significance of whose names were included and whose names were excluded, questions about why Matthew chose to divide the groupings up the way he did, and so on. But there is one rather obvious conclusion we can draw about Jesus’ family from this genealogy: his family was messed up! These were messed up people, including liars, deceivers, adulterers, idolaters, murderers, prostitutes, polygamists, and even flat-out unbelievers! So much for the sinless Son of God being able to claim a squeaky-clean lineage!
Tracing one’s lineage has become a very popular interest today. Many want to discover more about their family history and, thanks to DNA, we are able to trace back our ancestry and find out some pretty fascinating details about our families. While there is certainly satisfaction in just learning more about those details just for the sake of becoming more familiar with our roots and where we came from, don’t we also imagine how exhilarating it would be to find out we have some connection to royalty or fame somewhere in our past? Of course we would enjoy sharing those discoveries with others. But… what if instead you traced back your family history and discovered you came from a line of criminals and convicts and despicably awful people? How readily would you be broadcasting such a discovery to others? Yet such was the family line of Jesus!
So what does this say about the sinless Son of God? What does this say about Jesus? He can relate. He came from messed-up people. Our real flesh-and-blood Savior descended from a real messed-up family. But there is a takeaway that matters far more than Jesus coming from messed up families; it’s that he came for messed up families. Had Jesus’ genealogy somehow been made up of perfectly righteous people (pretending of course, that such people could ever exist!), might we imagine those to be the types for whom he came? Might we question if he actually came into this world to have anything to do with the likes of my family or even me? But we can relate to a Savior who came from messed-up people to save messed-up people.
Because that means he came to save messed-up me. Paul embraced that in our Second Lesson today – his letter to Timothy. He didn’t have to hide who he was or pretend he was something he wasn’t. “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst” (1 Timothy 1:15). Paul makes a point that ought to resonate with each of us: I can own not only my messed-up family and a world filled with messed-up people, but even my own messed-up self, because then I fit the description of the exact types for whom Jesus came: sinners. If Jesus means hope for messed-up people, then count me in!
Since God doesn’t differentiate between the only slightly messed-up and the severely messed-up, I am included. You are included. We are all included. Though we can’t say with certainty why Matthew breaks down the genealogy listings the way he does, it appears to me there are three classes of people: family men (patriarchs), royalty, and no-names. What do they have in common? They’re all messed up! So if you’re expecting to find the model family headed by the model father-figure in Scripture, keep looking, because you won’t find it! You think you’ll have any better luck finding people who have it together because they’re royalty? You won’t find it among that list of kings! And the last list of those returning after the exile – who even recognizes those people? It’s a list of no-names! What do they all have in common?
Look at the name that matters more than all of them; the name listed at both the beginning as well as the end of the genealogical mess: the Messiah himself. If ever there was an appropriate time to say it, truly it is here: we put the “mess” in Messiah! Or rather, God placed the mess of our sin entirely on his Son, the one chosen to be the Sin-bearer of messed up people. Jesus didn’t run away from sinners during his life’s ministry but gravitated toward them with his gospel. Jesus didn’t run away from sinners in his death but died for them. Jesus didn’t rise from the dead to get away from sinners, but to ensure their resurrection for an eternity with him.
So see the messed-up people of this world and the messed-up members of your family differently, the way Jesus sees messed-up you. See in them the very types of people Jesus came to save. They are the ones who are looking for hope when there doesn’t seem to be any because they’ve made such a mess of things. They see lives unraveled and the collateral damage that resulted from their selfish decisions and shameful actions, and conclude their is no hope for people like them. The mess is too great.
Could you be the conduit of hope they need? Could you be the one to resuscitate them with the news that Jesus didn’t come for the know-it-alls or the have-it-alls or the goody-two-shoes; he came to be the Messiah of messed up people? He came to bring the gentle touch of his forgiveness to heal hurting homes, to reconcile ruined relationships, to fix-up fractured families.
It may not be easy. In fact, it may be even more difficult when the messed-up people are the very ones who hurt you the most. But friends, the pain they caused you in the past isn’t greater than the hope you have in Christ in the present and future. That hope frees us from holding onto hurts, from bearing grudges, from withholding forgiveness. That hope works so powerfully in messed-up people like us, that it longs to be extended to everyone else, too. Is there someone in your life who this Christmas is in need of the greatest gift you could possibly ever extend to them – both for their benefit and yours? Could you unwrap for them this gift: Jesus provides hope for messed-up people?